Adanma – Dances With Wind (Part 2)

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At the dance the following evening, Adanma and I sat side-by-side at the foot of a mango tree, she wasn’t to perform this particular evening, as this dances were restricted to Masquerades and little children dance groups, there were so many costumes, everyone seemed in a light mood, worries away. The real dances started once the moon was high and filled the sky. “I want to learn to dance with the wind” I said to Adanma, she only smiled and nodded, the next song involved clapping and we both joined in, It was a beautiful night  as I walked her home, after the dances I took her hand, she snatched it back almost immediately, “your palms are so soft” she said with a shy expression, “mine is a bit rough”, I took her hands in mine and closed my eyes, I ran my fingers through her palms as if I were giving her a palm reading, “hmmm…you see what you see, I see what I see, these palms feel like feathered pillows and are worth 2o million bucks”, she snatched her palms from me and gave me a light punch on the arm, and I winced faking pain as we laughed. I saw Adanma off to her house, and she gave me a hug before I left, How I got home without passing out from Adanma’s hug is still a mystery to me till this day.

****

BANJO – THE GOAT

Dad had bought a he-goat, we were to take it to Mom’s parents, at her village, which was some 45 minutes away from ours. My little brother Chu-Chu had been entrusted with the goat, he fed it morning and night and even named it ‘Banjo’. We loved Banjo, it had been with us for almost 3 weeks, it was Chu-Chu’s closest friend and companion, had a goatee and very smelly, we loved it anyways. It was new years eve, we were to deliver Banjo on new years day, so Ikenna and I thought we’d fool around with Banjo a bit, we untied it and chased it all around the compound as it kept bleating, Chu-Chu sat quietly on the staircase leading to the front door watching us chase Banjo. Mom and Dad told us to be careful, goats are not always as dumb as humans think they are, we assured them we’d be fine. later on our cousins came by inviting us to the local football finals at the field, we were excited and went along with them, We met up with Adanma and some of her friends. on arrival, Ikenna so badly needing to show off, said he’d forgotten our camera, so he went back to get it. No sooner than after the games had kicked-off, I saw Ikenna, sprinting towards us like the Quarterback of the high school football team had thrown him the pass of the year. “Obinna! Obinna!!”, he screamed, out of breath “The Goat…The goat..”, “what happened to the goat?” I asked. “Banjo is gone!..he’s not home, He’s gone!”.

***

“I swear I tied it back up the pole!” I lamented, We ran home with our cousins, and Adanma insisted she came along, thankfully mom and dad were engaged with visitors so no one noticed the ruckus, “Well obi if it were tied to the pole, it’d be here then!, do you see a goat?, I certainly don’t!” Ikenna yelled. Adanma hushed him just as he had finished his statement, to keep him quiet, so as not to alarm the main house. I sat on the ground not sure what I was thinking, one of our two cousins, both male, spoke up “it couldn’t have gone very far”, “that’s true” seconded Adanma, “it would need food, we should search the farms closest to this compound” she added, “so lets go now” I suggested, “No we move too quickly we would alert Mom and Dad, lord knows we would never hear the end of this story if that happens” said Ikenna.

“we will move at night during the new year crossover service, everyone will be in church, that’s when we should begin our search” said Adanma, We all agreed to rendezvous outside the church with flashlights and my cousins would bring a rope.

Later that evening when the church mass was fully underway, with most people, including my parents gathered at the church for the crossover service into the new year, we crept out  of church to our agreed rendezvous point and departed to the cluster of farms closest to our house, we had searched for up to an hour and were on the verge of giving up when we heard noises behind a bush, Adanma instructed us all to take strategic positions, one of my cousins took the rope and made it into lasso, with all of us in position, Ikenna went behind the bush to scare the goat into our laid ambush, Banjo the goat, charged straight at one of my cousins and my cousin turned and fled, on seeing his brother fleeing the scene my other cousin with the lasso, dropped the rope and took to his heels as well, As I was the only one still holding a torch that shone into brightly into its eye, Banjo came for me next, ramming me in the thigh with its horn and throwing me to the ground, It came for me the second time as I was on the ground wincing in pain, just about then, Adanma swung into action adrenaline pumped, throwing herself in front of me, with perfect timing she grabbed the goats horns, throwing the animal to the ground, soon they were both struggling in the dirt, Ikenna had hurriedly picked the rope and came from behind Banjo to tie up its hind legs, Banjo kicked back at him and the goats hoof caught Ikenna on the lower lip, drawing blood on contact, Adanma while trying to gain more grip on he goats horn lost her grip and the tip of its horn bruised her left cheek, at the second trial she regained her grip, this time locking Banjo in a choke-hold around its neck, Ikenna also this time managed to tie down the hind legs and the front legs and Adanma finally let go of Banjo’s neck, we all laid down in the dirt breathing heavily, as I clutched my thigh in pain, Banjo bleating loudly and New years fireworks ringing out in the sky, no one spoke a word, we were too tired to, we lay there in the farm dirt, side by side each other admiring the fireworks, it was dark, but I could see Adanma’s face when the bright colored fireworks lit the sky, her cheek was swollen from Banjo’s bruise, But she never looked more beautiful tonight, this was the strongest woman I had ever met, I stretched out my arm farthest as I could from where I lay and she met it halfway with hers, with a smile.

We three fell asleep on the farm and woke almost at 5am, we tried to pull up our sore bodies, Ikenna and I struggled as we carried Banjo, we saw Adanma off halfway to her house and returned to ours, on arrival I tied the goat back to its pole, almost immediately our younger brother Chu-Chu ran out of the bungalow and started crying. He confessed we treated Banjo unfairly and unequally to human standards, all animals should be free, and that was why he untied the goat after I tied it the previous day, and let it go, it took all of Ikenna’s athletic strength to keep me from killing Chu-chu that day, we banished him to the main house and our parents side of the compound. Not more than an hour later dad picked up Banjo, the goat stared back at us from the back of dads truck as he drove away and I whispered in the cold harmattan breeze, “Farewell Banjo”.

***

THE LAST DANCE

Christmas was done, New year was done, it was time to say goodbye, we were leaving village the Next day. I had tried to see Adanma as much as I could, we had made so many memories, we had fallen in love with each other and I had tied my heart to hers. she had promised to teach me to dance with the wind on the eve of our departure day, so we met atop an uncompleted building close to her home, I arrived  the building in a white t-shirt, blue shorts and sandals, the building looked abandoned, I climbed the stairs and on getting to the top of the building, I saw her, she had her full dancing costume on she had the traditional white markings of a dancer on her face, she wore a straight face. I walked up really close to her speaking no words, “Take off your shirt” was her instruction, I obeyed, she took out a chalk-like substance and painted my face, chest and feet. Next she took out her ankle bells, wore one on her left foot and the other she wore on my right foot, then she took my arm and led me to the center of the floor, “Are you ready?” she whispered, “Yes i am” came my reply, it was a full moon that night, Adanma closed her eyes, lifting her face into the sky, I did the same, and those familiar winds began to blow.

Adanma began to tap her feet, she moved gently, slowly like palm trees in the wind, the bell on her ankle played a simple beat, It was an incomplete beat, her left foot fell silent when they hit the floor, because she had no bells on that foot. I knew this beat!, I get it now!, I am to complete Adanma’s beat with the tapping of the bell on my right foot, I kept watching Adanma’s foot trying to land my feet beat next to hers, but every time I did it fell out of sync, she spoke no words still, but she smiled as I struggled. after a while she locked me in an embrace, she looked deep into my eyes and whispered “do not follow my feet, follow my heart, dance is in the heart not in the feet, if our hearts beat as one, so will our feet” she smiled at me and took a few steps backward. I took a deep breath, “Winds be my guide” I whispered, I looked into her eyes and she was home, Adanma was where I would always want to be, she was enough for me. As her feet hit the ground and the beat began again, we were totally in sync, it was the perfect harmony, our feet were one, our hearts were one too. I do not remember how long we danced, but we danced till our bodies crashed atop each other.

Seated at the backseat the next day as we departed the village, we drove by the uncompleted building Adanma and I had danced at, the night before. It looked so lonely without us. I held onto the ankle bell she had given me, and kept staring at the uncompleted building with an endless longing and hoping for her to appear.

*****

It had been 15 years since I last saw Adanma, days became weeks, weeks became months, and months turned to years, Life had taken its toll, and the distance was savage, we could not keep in touch, and soon, I could no longer remember what she looked like. Ikenna worked at an oil rig in Rivers state Nigeria, his wife Alisha and 2 year old daughter, Sam, resided at New York, Chu-Chu graduated college Magna-cum-laude Biology, he took a job as a Zoo keeper, continued loving animals. Me?, I had turned out average, some would argue a little less than average. I was a freelance writer, working part time at a construction company, still chasing dreams like shadows. I was working on my first major publication, no luck so far. every relationship I got into never worked out, no matter how hard I tried, the women I met were not what I wanted.

One day I remembered what Dad told me all those years ago, “If you must leave, leave with your heart, don’t live without it”.  That was my deciding moment. I packed my bags and set them out on the front porch as I waited for a Taxi to the airport. “I have lived long enough without my heart”, I whispered to myself, it was cold in the winters of December. “I am coming, Adanma”, I spoke, and those familiar winds began to blow.

…to be continued…

Adanma – Dances with Wind

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I love memoirs, I enjoy those sad and sometimes humorous mind trips down memory lane, remembering or telling these stories isn’t the hard part, putting them into words is, but every time I am able to piece these stories into words, Its always a delightful pleasure sharing them with you.

On a late winters eve some years ago, in Washington DC, my older brother Ikenna was 18 years old at the time, he was on the high school football team and very popular, he had a super hot cheerleader girlfriend and was already being tipped for scholarship to college, I was 17 and very average, maybe a little below average, At the time I had only video games and stashed adult magazines going for me, ‘average’ might even be an over reach for me, little Chuka or ‘Chu-Chu’ as we call him had just turned 12, he had discovered his love for bugs and animals early on in life, he did a school project on animal rights and won so much praise that he appeared in a local newspaper and was invited to his first animal rights convention, so you see even Chu-Chu’s life in its tender years had more direction than mine did in its prime. And so it happened on this day that we were all summoned one Sunday evening seated on a couch, Ikenna at one end and I at the other, with little Chuka in between, our parents also seated directly opposite us, our mouths ajar and mind blown at the revelation that we were visiting Nigeria for the first time in our lives for the Christmas and New year holiday.

My name is Obinna Henry Opara, and this journey of ten thousand miles, began with a huge WOW!

“Bia Ikenna jide Chuka aka!!” Yelled mom at Ikenna not to let go of Chuka’s hand, as we arrived the airport, the weather was warm, dry and dusty, the airport was so busy with arrivals and departures, dad cleared our luggage with the officials and we left, we boarded a taxi to a hotel not too far from the airport, where we lodged for a night, and boarded a private vehicle early the next day headed for Anambra state, it was a long drive, daddy had told us it would be, we arrived the village late in the evening, only Ikenna and Dad were awake at the time of our arrival, we entered the family compound and there were people screaming out of excitement, our grand mother who had just been introduced to us was crying and dancing, grandma locked Chuka in an embrace the boy had initially made an attempt to get away from, mom gave him the ‘Side-eye’ and he stayed put, I and Ikenna laughed sheepishly at him, as the poor boy made an angry fist at us. We then drove to our own house, dad had built a duplex with a semi detached bungalow, which he said was ours!, mom had never let us be alone in the house at Washington while growing up, Here in Nigeria we owned our own apartment!. We had seen photos of our village so far nothing had seemed out of the ordinary, Chu-chu said it looked like one of the locations used in Jurassic Park and we laughed.

In the evening we met some of our cousins who were going to dance at the village square, we thought it would be cool to experience that, so I and Ikenna went along with them, we understood Igbo, our parents spoke all the time at home and made sure we understood them, especially in public when mom wanted to give an instruction intended ‘for your ears only’, but we didn’t speak fluently, our accents got in the way most times. at the village square a fire was lit and dancers danced around it and the drummers drummed aloud, there were people in different costumes, the dances were fun and all but it was getting late and I told Ikenna we should get going, our cousins pleaded for us to wait for the last dance “you have to see Adanma” they said, “what is Adanma?” I asked, but got no response in return. The moon was at its fullest when I saw her, the drums had stopped almost immediately and a sudden calm had come upon the village square, the wind had began to blow gently and you could feel it charting it’s next course, the silence was strange, you would hear a pin if it dropped. a young girl stepped into the circle formed around the fire, she stood expressionless, poker faced, she was dressed in a local attire with beads in her hair and on her neck, wrists and ankles, on her ankles she wore tiny bells that jingled. I could tell she was a dancer, but why wasn’t the music playing?, she lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes, a number of the other villagers did the same, including our cousins. And I felt the wind again gently blowing in circles, she started to tap her foot as if in sync with the movement of the wind and the bells on her ankles started to jingle a beat. She lifted her arms gracefully like she had a dance partner and she started to move, she danced slowly, gracefully, the bells on her ankles and the wheezing breeze were her music, the villagers locked gaze like missiles on target, inseparable, if eternity had an emotion, it would be the peace we all felt watching Adanma’s dance, Oh the grace with which she moved!, no one could be taught such grace, very few are born with it, you could live an entire lifetime and see such grace just once. Adanma’s dance eventually came to an end and the villagers dispersed, I and Ikenna were silent for the rest of the evening, I had wanted to ask what he thought of Adanma’s dance but there were no words to express myself and I knew he struggled too, so we didn’t speak of it. in that moment I realized, I had fallen in love for the first time, and of this, even with myself, I refused to speak about as well.

Over the next couple of days, we had made Christmas preparations, we bought a goat to give to my maternal grandmother, dad didn’t want the goat messing up his side of the house so it stayed on our side, we divided labor and our little brother Chu-Chu was responsible for feeding the goat. On the afternoon of Christmas eve, while preparing for the Opara family Christmas lunch some young girls were invited to assist mom in the kitchen, Ikenna will say he went over to help pound yam, But in actuality he just wanted to show off his muscles to the girls, the girls stood starstruck in awe watching him pound away, I had seen this all too often, Ikenna in ‘show off’ mode is irresistible to the female folk. Dad said he was going to get palm wine for the occasion, so I hopped in the car with him. We arrived the palm wine place, it was a bush bar, the owner of the place seemed to know dad, after they had exchanged pleasantries, dad introduced me to him, he asked dad to give him a few minutes to get the palm wine, we sat and waited. A young girl had emerged from what seemed like a small kitchen to serve guests, she was friendly and chatty with everyone, she turned, our eyes met and then she smiled and went back into the kitchen, “I was rude, I didn’t smile back” I thought to myself, I was too stunned to, “she’s a beauty, isn’t she?” Dad spoke almost as if he had been eavesdropping on my thoughts, he wore a cheeky smile ” I know Ikenna has game, but I question your skills son” he laughed. “Ikenna is just a show off, I’ve got real game pops” I replied, “Boy am I glad to hear that?” He laughed again, the girl had made another appearance out of the kitchen and was serving guests again, she was friendly, chatty and everyone seemed to know her, I had a good look this time, she was beautiful to pieces!, on a scale of one to ten she was ‘infinity and beyond!’. “Obi, why don’t you walk up to the nice young lady and ask her to bring us a plate of bush meat” he wore his cheeky smile again, “Dad I know what you’re doing” I replied. He laughed and shrugged. my pride was on the line, so I took a deep breath, rose to my feet, stiffened my chin, squared my shoulders, I turned away from dad ready to take my first step into redemption. “Oh and by the way…” he added, “her name is Adanma”
….I froze, rooted in that spot, paralyzed head to toe, as I heard dads laughter echo repeatedly in my head.
Soon after I took my seat again, Adanma’s dad appeared with a large keg of palm wine he called Adanma over to greet my dad, she squatted beside him and he tapped her back and asked how she was doing?..she stood up and our eyes met again she smiled at me, this time I smiled back, then she was gone as we rose to leave, Adanma’s dad was greeting some elderly men who looked like they were chiefs, Adanma went over to greet them as well and they asked her for a dance, she looked to her father as if for approval and he nodded with a smile. She moved with lighting speed, this time without the bells on her ankles, this dance was different as it looked like a depiction of characters or emotions, she would dance for a bit and then strike a pose with different facial expression each time, and the men would try to guess the character or impression she was trying to make, she had very quick feet, after each dance movement she would freeze in place like a statue, till they had guessed the impression correctly, in her last pose and facial expression, she leaned over forwards and seemed to depict a happy/friendly face and then almost immediately she leaned over backwards and had a scorn/frown expression, this one my dad interpreted to me as the ‘frenemy’ impression, people who are friendly in front of you and enemies behind you.

On the way back home while thinking of Adanma, Dad broke the silence “Adanma’s dad and I were like you and Ikenna growing up, we weren’t biological siblings but we loved each other all the same, we were the best in our classes, we had the same dreams to leave this village and become rich, we would buy everything!, we would buy the world itself too if we could, we both got scholarships to school abroad, I was going to be a doctor and he was going to be an engineer” he laughed and then paused. I saw his eyes get a little misty “what happened to his dreams?” I asked. After a long pause dad responded, “he fell in love and tied his heart to a beautiful maiden ‘Olunma’…Adanma’s mom – Olunma, was the most beautiful girl, she was the best dancer in the entire village, the chiefs and the big men from the city all wanted to marry her, you see son, it’s easy to leave a place, when you have nothing to come back to, like I did, that way you leave with your heart and your head, most importantly Obinna, if you must leave, leave with your heart, don’t live without it”. These were the wisest words my dad had ever spoken to me, at the time I never really understood them, and quite frankly, I was too young to.

****

It was chilly in the Harmattan, Early on Boxing day, at about 6 O’clock in the morning, when Ikenna woke me, apparently Mom and Dad had run into Adanma on her way to the stream, they insisted she stopped by to know where we lived, on her departure mom asked me to see Adanma off, to which I happily obliged, I had never been to a stream my entire life, most of the trip as I walked her to the stream had been silent, we had gotten to a downhill, then I thought to myself how would Ikenna approach this situation? what would Ikenna do?, I should be cocky, I’m a city boy, shes probably awed by my presence alone, so I stuck my hands in my pockets puffed my chest, so far so good, then I said, “I loved your dance the other night, afterwards I was gonna ask if you had sometime, so we could get dinner or something”, Adanma stopped in her tracks, she had been walking ahead of me carrying a pile of clothes and a keg to fetch her water in, she cocked and eyebrow and asked in a light tone “dinner?..”, I spoke again in a cocky tone “Yes dinner, food in the evening,  it’s the gentlemanly thing to do” I spoke proudly and smiled, “gentlemanly?…the gentlemanly thing to do would be to offer to carry this” she forced her water keg into my right hand, and walked on ahead of me, I increased my pace to catch up with her, we arrived at the stream and after exchanging pleasantries with everyone she set down her clothes and began her laundry, “they think you are my boyfriend” she laughed, “oh God no, that would be wrong” I joined her laughing, as soon as I had begun laughing she stopped and wore a frown, and I thought “what have I done now?”, she cocked an eyebrow again and asked “so I am not good enough to be your girlfriend eh?”, “I am not ‘American Standard’? ” she added, “No!…I mean..Yes!”, I stammered badly embarrassed “t-t-t-that’s n-n-n-not what I meant”,  “calm down american boy, I am joking”, she laughed again and I wasn’t sure If I should join in the laughter or not. “Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed the dance” she looked at me and smiled. we remained quiet stealing glances at each other whenever we could, by the time she was done with her laundry the sun was high in the sky. I summoned a little courage and spoke again “I think a lot about that night..it was strange”.. “in a good way” I added, “How do you mean?” she asked, I heaved a sigh “I don’t want to be weird” I laughed a little, “too late, I think you already are” she smiled “so say exactly whats on your mind”, “Most people watched you dance alone, but I watched you dance with the wind”, she paused for a few seconds, looked at me and said “you saw correctly Obinna” she smiled and continue rinsing her clothes, “how is it possible to dance with the wind?”, I asked, “when I was little, Mama taught me to speak with the elements of the world” Adanma picked up a small stick and five pebbles, and then she drew a circle in the mud and placed a pebble at the top of the circle and said this is God, and then she placed two more and the sides of the circle and said, these represents the elements of the world, and at the bottom she placed another and said this is us, humans, the last pebble she placed at the center, “Mama taught me how to dance, but first she taught me about the universe, only what has life can give life, God is life so he gave the elements life” and she drew a line from the pebble at the top to the pebbles at the sides of the circle, “the air we breathe, the water we drink, they give us life” she drew another line from the pebbles at the sides to the pebbles at the bottom, “You have life and you can speak, so can the wind”. “wow…that’s interesting, are there a lot of people who can speak to the wind?”,  I helped her balance the keg of water on her head, and carried her laundry as I walked her home, “Yes, a lot of people can speak to the wind, that’s not the problem,  they have not learnt to listen to the wind, that’s the problem” she replied.

Adanma educated me on a lot of things, and I fell in love with her all over again, by the time we arrived close to their family compound I just had to ask, “do you have a boyfriend?”, she laughed and said “No”, she could see the delight on my face, so she spoke again almost immediately, ” that you arrived to a party before the food and drinks have finished, doesn’t make you early” we laughed out loud, “when will I see you again?” I asked, “tomorrow evening, there is a dance at the village square, It is going to be “American standard” we laughed out loud again, I said good bye, and began to run home. I was the happiest man on earth as I ran home!, not even the rough driver who had driven into a puddle of mud as I ran, splashing it all the way from my left foot to the left side of my face, could bring me down from the ‘mountain of Joy’ I felt. “Tomorrow will be the greatest day of my life” I thought to myself and smiled as I kept running.
..To be Continued..

Paintings from Earth To Sky

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When we were young, up and coming, in a dusty village deep within the hearts of Anambra state Nigeria, everything seemed so small. The village was small, Hope was small, we were small and dreams were small too. Escape had been spelled out to us by our parents “Gain enough grades and go to university or you’ll remain stuck in this town”, so back then in class there were three kinds of students;

First there was, the extremely brilliant ones who were on their way to Gaining admission into professional courses like Medicine and Surgery, Engineering courses, and Law. Up next was my category, Students who didn’t mind whatever course they would study as long as they got as far away from this village as possible, and then there was category number three; ‘Ugochukwu Mba’.

Ugo, as we called him, was by far the strangest kid I had ever met, a Short scrawny looking kid, he rarely talked, he was one of those friends in a clique that you didn’t notice till you needed an oddly favor that no other kid was willing to help you out with. Ugo placed no demands on life, he wasn’t the smartest in class, he wasn’t the strongest either, and the simple things of life were enough for him, He was blessed with the gift of artistry, Ugo was the earliest to school and Last to leave every day, He sat at the back row by the window of our classroom, on his drawing book, staring out into the sky, He would Paint the sky when the sun rose and paint it again when the sun set, we saw this as a waste of time, our parents had made us believe such stuff is for kids with no future, and that was what Ugo was to us, “the kid with no future”, and while we schemed endlessly and tirelessly on how to leave this village, Ugo never for once spoke up and quite frankly no one bothered asking why, to us, he didn’t matter.

It wasn’t until one fateful day, Ugo earned our full and undivided respects and quite sadly I realized Ugo may not have any plans to make it out of this town, We had illegally snuck our way into the local school principals house to pluck some fruits and somehow our getaway plan had failed, the only escape route was to jump over the fence, Ugo who had reluctantly come along with us after we persuaded him, volunteered and stood bent over, hands on knees, as Six boys twice his size stepped repeatedly on his frail back to jump over the fence, He was caught after we had escaped and suspended for two weeks for refusing to name his accomplices, No kid dared sit on Ugo’s seat in his absence for fear of being beat up by the rest of us, In that vacant seat we stared at our cowardice and shame and it stared back at us, It rained mostly those weeks and I often wondered if the skies had felt lonely in Ugo’s absence.

Towards the end of secondary school some of us had gained admissions to Universities, others were going to be apprentices to Rich business men at Onitsha, Ugo stayed back at the village to nurse his sick mother, who passed on a year later, before she passed, she had begged Mr Ikeme our fine arts teacher to make sure Ugo never stopped painting the skies.

In our third year into University, we had all planned for a reunion back at the village. On arrival I heard Ugo had won a full scholarship to the Academy of Fine Arts Verona, Italy.  Mr Ikeme had entered one of Ugo’s paintings for an international competition and he had won, he left for Italy two days before we arrived. I stood in front of our small classroom giving a speech at our reunion party, it was quiet and I smiled as I felt the tears gather in my eyes, everyone had left Ugo’s seat empty, it was bright and sunny, and I wondered if Ugo, half way around the world at that moment, was staring out the window, painting the skies again.

Fleeting- This Final Act

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Looking back now, staring long and hard into the Abyss I have become,

Forever lost in a 24 hour loop of Midnight,

I see it all clearly, as Life’s tilt draws me closer to the edge,

“Can you hear me?… Can you see me?”  peering over this ledge.

Cowering in a corner, Behind these black walls, slipping away

Will mama notice?, I have cleaned out my room so she doesn’t have to, when I’m gone.

The loneliness, now irresistibly attractive.

 

I think of the wise King Solomon,

Far beyond the wisdom of man, far beneath the wisdom of God.

And all that wisdom summed into three words: “All is vanity”,

There are no truer truths than the blank spaces of emptiness in between those words.

 

So let the universe be theatre, may she bear witness to this final act

I bid mirrors and shadows farewell, they listened, they understood, they were my friends,

One final bow and I draw a close, to this mime act called life.

A fleeting tragic satire, parody, of master and puppet

The voices in my head get louder and louder

I am as a puppet on lifes strings, dangled endlessly, tirelessly,

my screams of agony are muffled in feathered pillows,

In an instant I cut lose these strings!

and The show is over.

 

I see crowds disperse; as the master prepares my replacement,

for the first time, in that moment, I am free.

sprawled on the stage, tired, worn out, Lifeless, I am free.

One last breath to see the stars, high in the sky, mighty and vast

I bask now in their afterglow,

Fleeting, softly, gently so.

The Circle

The Circle is the perfect shape, its the perfect symbolism of all things, Infinite, Eternal, Forever-lasting, I stared at the circle and saw it stare back at me, Simple to behold at first glance, I looked in closer and watched it stride and strut as it opened its mouth to speak, “who can decipher me?” It asked, “what scientist, astrologer, adventurer, can tell my beginning from my end, All things infinite, eternal and forever-lasting is shaped in my likeness, think of the sun and marvel in its mystery..when was its beginning, whenst shall it end?, Think of the earth in all her glamour, shaped in my likeness”..I stared at the wedding ring on my finger and I heard the circle speak again “Ah yes..” it said to me straight faced and sternly, piercing its gaze at the heart of my soul, “Infinite, Eternal, Forever-lasting, even marriage is shaped in my likeness, ever wondered why the ring is a circle? the beginning of no end, I’m the only shape that may not break, I bear no joints that may detach, though a scratch or patch
and cracks may attack, Let it sink in, ring in, sting in till you are wincing!!, when next you catch a slight glimpse of that ring, you are bound by Love, tolerance and respect to your other half, and together you shall remain: Infinite, Eternal, Forever-Lasting”

Copyright ‘ChinksinourArmour ‘

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Lands of our Fathers

The Nigerian Civil war also known as the biafran war began on the 6th of July 1967 and ended on the 15th of January 1970…No, I wasn’t born then, But my GrandPa was…
I remember many years ago, At his feet we’d seat in awe of his Biafran tales of war, and he’d tell tales of Guns, shrapnel, Bombs going off and how he was thrown off his bike by a bomb blast and he’d go on and on about air-raids, and people eloping, and we’d laugh when he got to the part about scarcity of salt, can you imagine Salt Scarce??..and people eating lizards, the absurdity of it all, we’d laugh cos it was super-funny!, we never got tired of those stories, and even now i see him, seated clad in a T-shirt and a wrapper, hands behind his head, eyes closed in reminiscence, straight faced.

I remember it all now like it was yesterday, not once during those ‘Funny story sessions’ did he break to smile, I recall now the pain, agony and anguish he went thru everytime we’d ask him to tell us those tales, asking him to relieve those horrific moments all over again detail by detail, he never turned us down, but we were kids..what did we know?, I can hear him now, getting to the part of his tale when they heard over the radio that the war was over and people came out from hiding in their numbers, Only for the shelling and air raids to begin again, people were massacred and livelihoods lost, Now I wish I had understood all those years ago the underlying lessons of life he was teaching us, the essence of life and the opportunity of having it, the grace of being born in lands not torn by war and the hope of never witnessing one, but we were kids..what did we know?, I understand now the horrors he went thru reliving those tales at the expense of more pleasurable ones.

I wish, I could look him squarely in the eyes and let him know those stories have impacted my life and improved my understanding of Life, its essence. Grand Pa passed on before I got the chance to say those words to him, I understand now that a part of him never really Came back from the Biafran war, I understand now that a part of him was lost in it forever, he had gladly stayed trapped in those memories to see his Grandchildren walk free of it. My Grand father was a mechanic during the Biafran war, He was a hero, But we were kids..what did we know?

(If you’re looking down at me somewhere in those skies, I hope this makes you smile and you’re happy with my life)

– based on a true life story

– In Memory of Late Pa John Egbuna

Whose Life am I living?

Today, Shola, woke to the realization that time was the biggest illusion, he had turned 46, with a buzzing career, a cheating wife and an estranged son, he had missed even his own fathers burial, working a 8am – 7pm job 6 days/week, somewhere across the sands of time he had lost sight of his dreams, he had begun writing a book at the age of 20 and 26 years later the book had not gone past its 70th page.

Shola was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people, He had two dreams. The first, was to become a writer, The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. At age 20, saving every dime he could from allowances, in between holidays, he traveled through states in Nigeria visiting places and helping out where he could, he had a small camera and he captured some of the most beautiful moments, he made it to Ghana in his final year and it was bliss. He planned to do much more traveling and adventuring, maybe all of Asia, then Europe, then America, when he had made some more money. Fast forward To date after another promotion, Shola is well placed on a six figure paying job, but has still only Traveled as far as Ghana.

“I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life” he said. Shola devoted his entire life to an 8-7pm job. “What was I thinking?” “How could I LIVE, when the job was my life?” After coming home, he would eat dinner and prepare for work the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 5am. Today, Shola woke to a question, “Whose life am I living?”, he finally realized he had been living someone else’ life for 26 years, If Shola has been living someone else’ life for 26 years, then who has been living Shola’s life?, Bear in mind, Shola stopped living his own life at 20.

Time is the biggest Illusion, One moment you’re on the beach with friends, aged 25 and gazing silently upon the sunrise thinking forward to life unlived, the next moment on a reclining chair, on the front porch of an empty house, you’re gazing upon the sunset, thinking backward to life lived. So the question is whose life are you living? One of the words that has almost become extinct is “Lifetime” its one word but people prefer to pick it apart, “Lifetime” is the amount of time spent ‘living’ – Not existing- but ‘living’, in Shola’s case he has spent 46 years on earth, but has only lived 20 years of his lifetime. Time on its own, cannot be stopped but “lifetime” can.

If you’re reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please don’t procrastinate. Don’t leave your dreams for later, Relish in your energy, your passions. Don’t be afraid to fail, after all whats the worse that could happen?, If you are waiting for the clouds to open and a trumpet to blow, and then a Morgan Freeman-like voice to speak to you,  then i am afraid you’re in for very long wait. truth is the stars will never align  at the center, you’ll never have all the money and all the time you need to start living, but you just have to start. theres no blueprint or template to help you live your life, after all you are the first and only one who’ll be living it, so make your own mistakes and learn from them, not everyone will ever understand your visions and Ideas, you don’t need everyone, just the few or the one who believe(s) in you.

Shola ended his story with this quote: “I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired.”

– based on a true life story.